Month: February 2024

Posted on in Novellas

Love and Loss 7

Rufus had been in a foul mood since his disagreement with Lizette. Ellowyne tried to cajole him out of his funk but with little luck. Rufus was the guy who got along with everybody, and it was unusual for him to argue with anyone. Well, everyone but Amber. The two of them fought over everything, from music to politics, and relished their debates as if they were sport. But this was different. He was afraid that he ruined his friendship with Lizette. 

A few days later, Lizette got in touch with Rufus and Ellowyne. Finally, one afternoon she invited them to FaceTime with her. “Lizette, I’m sorry,” Rufus blurted out. “I shouldn’t have been so opinionated about Dr. Bantam.”

“No, no. You were right to be,” Lizette assured him. “I never really thought about my progress—or lack thereof. It turns out she wasn’t helping me, and I’m glad you were adamant and honest about Dr. Bantam.”

Ellowyne sighed with relief. “I’m glad that’s over,” she admitted. “I love this man but he has a cranky side.”

Rufus smiled broadly. “Me? Cranky?” 

“Yes, you,” Ellowyne retorted. “You’ve been insufferable.”

“Then I owe you an apology, too.”

Ellowyne scrunched her nose, made a face, and threw a sofa pillow at him.

After they chatted with Lizette for a while, Ellowyne and Rufus decided to venture out of the house. Restrictions had been relaxed a little and, as long as they wore masks, they were able to go into some stores together and go inside restaurants to order food for carry-out or to eat at tables that were about six feet apart. They wandered through the aisles of an upscale discount store, not looking for anything in particular. Ellowyne picked up some sewing supplies, and Rufus looked at LEGO sets, settling on a new Star Wars offering. Later, they went to Ellowyne’s favorite make-up store, where Rufus retreated to what he called “The Bored Husband and Boyfriends Section” and played with his phone while she shopped.

Then they decided to get something to eat. Ellowyne suggested a place with tasty salads and delicious chocolate cake. Rufus was amused by her wanting a healthy salad and a big slice of decadent, calorie-laden cake. He was planning to pair his cake with a burger and maybe a shake. As they stood in line to place their order, a man burst in the doors, ignored social distancing, and muscled his way to the counter. He pushed Rufus out of the way and demanded his order be taken immediately. The employees refused to give him service because he was belligerent and not wearing a mask.

Rufus spoke up. “Hey! Get back in line. And put on a mask!”

The man sneered at Rufus. “You’re one of them. You believe everything they say about this COVID crap. Don’t you know, snowflake, that it’s just a hoax, something the government is saying to take away our freedom and wreck our businesses?”

“COVID is real,” Rufus responded. 

Then the obnoxious man reached over to Rufus and tore off his face mask. “You’re just a pansy, a big old wuss,” he taunted. “You’re scared by the stuff the boogiemen say. Go cry to your mommy how you’re so afraid of COVID.”

“You son of a bitch,” Rufus shouted. “My parents died of COVID.” He grabbed the man by the collar of his shirt. “If it was a G-d damned hoax, my parents would still be alive.” He punched the man in the face. “My best friend is up to his armpits taking care of COVID patients, some of them ignorant buttheads like you who don’t ‘believe’ in COVID.” 

The man staggered backwards, rubbing his cheek. Yet, he approached Rufus again, smirking and mumbled slurs about him and, worse, his deceased parents. Rufus hit him again. And again. Finally, he socked the man in the jaw, which sent him reeling to the floor.

Before Rufus could strike the man again, three police officers came into the restaurant to break up the fight. They put paper masks on both men. One officer restrained Rufus and the other restrained the man, who still clutched Rufus’ mask in his fist. The other officer took statements from the staff and customers.

“That man,” one of the servers said, “came in here without a mask, without social distancing, and marched up to the counter, demanding we wait on him immediately.”

A customer in the queue added, “He was asked to put on a mask, to observe social distancing, and to wait in line like the rest of us.”

The restaurant manager pointed at Rufus and said, “When that young man told him to put on a mask and get in line, the other guy tore his off of him!”

“I took a video on my phone,” another customer added.

“That obnoxious creep kept taunting the young man, making fun of his parents, who died from COVID,” a third customer said.

The officers looked at the video. Then they glanced at Rufus, whose flushed face was beaded with sweat, and at the other man, who had blood running from his nose and lip.” One officer took Rufus’ mask from the man and said, “This is clearly self-defense. We don’t condone fist fights but you were definitely provoked. And this guy…”

The man was shocked when an officer cuffed him and started to read his Miranda rights. “What the hell?” he asked incredulously. “This hipster snowflake beats me but you’re arresting me and not him?”

“Actually, you assaulted him when you forcibly removed his mask,” another officer said. “He could press charges against you.”

Rufus shook his head. The officer informed the man he was under arrest for causing a public disturbance and violating COVID restrictions.

“But you can’t press charges against him,” the third officer added. “His actions were justified.”

As the police removed the offending man from the restaurant, the customers and staff cheered. Rufus leaned against the wall. The manager told him that his and Ellowyne’s food was on the house, and he gave Rufus a $100 gift card to use later. He even gave Rufus and Ellowyne an entire cake! They ordered their food to go. Ellowyne took care of the food while Rufus went to the restroom to wash his sweat and the man’s blood off his fists. 

They left the restaurant and Rufus asked Ellowyne to drive home. “Sweetheart,” she murmured. “You’re not at fault. I don’t blame you. I think anyone would have responded the same way.” 

Rufus’ hands were shaking. “But I’m not anyone,” he muttered. “I don’t fight. I don’t settle arguments with my fists. I don’t even like to argue.” He smiled weakly. “Except with Amber.” He inhaled and exhaled sharply. “He shouldn’t have made fun of my parents. Ellowyne, I miss them so much. They shouldn’t have died that way. They shouldn’t have died at all.”

Ellowyne pulled into a parking space. She turned to Rufus and held him tightly while he sobbed. “I love you,” she whispered. Then she brushed away the tears on his cheeks. 

“You still love me after what I did? I mean, I really hurt that guy.” 

Ellowyne reassured him. “Of course. I’m glad you stood up against that bully. Remember how you did that when we were in high school?”

Rufus remembered how he got in two fights when he was in school. One was when he was a freshman and he defended himself after a senior tormented him nearly every day. The other was when a kid in the locker room after gym class said terrible things about Ellowyne. Rufus, who was never in trouble, spent a few hours in detention. Still, he felt the detention was worthwhile because no one dared spread rumors about Ellowyne after that. He wasn’t sure if Ellowyne knew about it.

“Let’s try to forget about this,” Rufus suggested. “Let’s just go home and have some lunch.”

A couple of hours—and a couple of slices of cake—later, Rufus got a text from Pru. The message was terse: “Is this you?” and it linked to a video on YouTube. To his horror, the person who was taking a video of the confrontation uploaded it for everyone to see. 

Ellowyne opened the video on her laptop so they could see it better. It was entitled: “Hipster Takes on COVIDIOT”. To her and Rufus’ relief, he wasn’t named in the video. To their surprise, there had been over a thousand views in just the few minutes that the video was online. Of course, there were comments, nearly all of them supportive of Rufus.

Prudence texted again. “Sorry, I didn’t recognize you with the beard and man bun. You really have gone full hipster!” 

Then Lizette texted. “Have you seen YouTube? You’re a beast, Rufus! But seriously, you were justified.”

Then the emails and Facebook messages came in. Some of Rufus’ engineering school classmates kidded him about becoming their personal protector. One of the teaching assistants sent him a video with the theme from “Rocky”, and another suggested the school start its own intramural boxing team. Even Rufus’ advisor teased him about being the new Jake LaMotta, the character portrayed in the film Raging Bull. He even sent Rufus a link to download the movie.

A few hours later, Rufus received a text message from Penn. “Hey, dude! Didn’t know how brutal you can be. You should join Fight Club. Duh. I forgot the first rule of Fight Club: Never talk about Fight Club. LOL!!!” A few minutes later, Penn texted Rufus again. “Hey, Amber is going through a lot right now. Don’t be surprised if you don’t hear from her. Gotta get back on the floor. Thanks for the shout-out. It’s balls to the wall again tonight. Hope that douche doesn’t end up in my ER. I’ll shortsheet his gurney.”

Ellowyne looked at the video on YouTube. “Rufus! It’s going viral! It’s got half a million views already! Wait, wait. It’s on TikTok, too!”

Rufus bellowed. “Noooooooooooooo! I’m never going to live this down.”

Ellowyne giggled. “Just wait until you become a meme, Rocky!”

Posted on in Stories

Penn’s Great Valentine’s Day Adventure

Rated M for discussion of adult activities.

Rufus and Penn were seated at a table at Leon’s Pub, enjoying some craft beer and happy hour snacks. Rufus asked, “What are you doing for Valentine’s Day?”

“I dunno,” Penn replied. “What about you?”

Between bites of wings, Rufus answered, “I’m going to Ellowyne’s. She and I are making dinner. I think we’re having seafood linguine. Or maybe we’re roasting a chicken. Anyway, I’m bringing some champagne. After we eat, we can curl up under a blanket and watch some romcoms. Or not.” He grinned. “And I ordered some orchids—that’s her favorite flower—and a sterling silver pendant with the molecular structure of chocolate.”

“That sounds cozy but a lot of work,” Penn exclaimed.

“Maybe,” Rufus replied. “But it’s not work when you love someone. Plus, it’s so much easier when you know your partner and what she likes and doesn’t like. Ellowyne hates crowds, so staying home on a busy night is a no-brainer.  She loves chocolate and being hands-on, so we’re making chocolate truffles and chocolate-dipped strawberries, the perfect afternoon project unless we get distracted.  Besides, this is our first Valentine’s Day since we started dating seriously. I want it to be special.” He dipped his wing in some ranch dressing and added, “By the way, you never told me what you’re doing.”

“Well, I have to work night shift, 7PM to 7:30AM, which is actually a good thing,” Penn answered. “And maybe the hospital will take pity on me and ask me to come to work early.” He picked away the gravy and fries from the poutine and popped a squeaky cheese curd in his mouth.

“You sound happy about working on Valentine’s Day,” Rufus remarked. “No one special right now?” 

“It’s complicated,” Penn replied. “I’ve been seeing Prudence. Casually, of course.”

“Of course,” Rufus said. “So you’re not doing anything special with her?”

Penn’s mouth twisted into a tight tangle. “I’ve also been going out with Lizette.”

Rufus dropped his chicken wing and his jaw.  “You’re dating BOTH of them? Do they know about each other?”

“I’ve been upfront with them about wanting to keep things casual. They know I see other women and they can see other men. But, um, they don’t know about each other,” Penn admitted.

Rufus nearly aspirated a bite of his wing. “Other women? How many women are you seeing?”

Penn took a swig of beer before answering. “You remember the bachelor auction? Neema and I had an amazing time on our date. She’s beautiful, smart, and has a great sense of humor. So I’ve taken her out a few times. Casually.”

“Does she know—oh, that’s stupid! Of course Neema doesn’t know about Pru and Liz, and they don’t know about her,” Rufus exclaimed. He shook his head. “So whatever happened with you and Amber? Ellowyne and I thought you two were involved.” 

Just then, Penn got an unexpected text. It was from Amber, inviting Penn to her house for a booty call. His phone had been sitting on the table, and he grabbed it quickly, but not before Rufus glanced at it. He said incredulously, “Ellowyne was right! You and Amber are friends with benefits, aren’t you?”

Penn’s cheeks burned like they had been seared with hot pokers. “Amber and I started off casually dating but things progressed and, you know. Neither of us had time for a relationship but we were attracted to each other. So we came up with this.”

Rufus stared at his beer, watching as the bubbles ascended and burst on the top. He could not deny that Amber was attractive, and at one time, she proposed a similar arrangement to him. He declined because he was in love with Ellowyne, even though at the time his feelings were unrequited. Still, he couldn’t imagine himself with anyone else. He took a sip, then asked, “Do you want to be in a relationship with Amber?”

Penn shook his head. “Nope. Look, I’ve been in the Army. I’ve been in combat. And I’ve been in nursing school. I haven’t had time for a social life since I was in high school. The stuff I’ve done has been stressful. I hooked up with some of the female soldiers when I was in Afghanistan. And with some of my classmates. It was a good way to deal with the stress of the program. Since graduation, I’ve had a couple of casual hookups with some of the other nurses, too, but they were just a way to blow off steam. You know, mindless, meaningless sex.”

But Rufus didn’t know. He didn’t understand mindless, meaningless sex. He and Ellowyne were monogamous and committed, and neither wanted to be with anyone else, casually or seriously. Still, he wasn’t going to judge Penn and decided not to comment. For a nanosecond, he wondered if Penn and Ellowyne would have dated or hooked up had she not been with him. He dismissed the notion because he wasn’t going to waste time on a silly speculation. Then he scowled, and uneasily asked, “Now, you aren’t sleeping with Pru, Liz, or Neema, are you?” They were his friends as well as Ellowyne’s. He felt a bit protective of them and didn’t want to see them get hurt.

Penn shook his head. “No! I’m only sleeping with Amber. Pru, Liz, and Neema are amazing women but I’m not going to hook up with them. It wouldn’t be fair to anyone.” 

Rufus let out a big sigh. “So back to my question. Working on Valentine’s Day is the perfect excuse for not taking anyone out. But aren’t you going to give them something like flowers or chocolate? At least you’re sending cards. Right?”

Between morsels of poutine, Penn answered, “I hadn’t even thought about that. I guess I should, huh?” 

“Look, you need to do something for all of your women. Keep it simple and make sure you give each of them pretty much the same thing, and tell them to keep it to themselves so they don’t realize you’re dating all of them. You don’t want to do too much. Before Ellowyne and I started dating, I’d send her flowers and candy all the time and sometimes, she’d show my gifts to our friends and complain that I was overdoing it.  She’d put everything under a microscope, trying to figure out my motives. One Christmas, I gave her a snow globe. She showed all our friends and wondered what it meant. It was beautiful and reminded me of her. Later, she admitted that sometimes she felt overwhelmed by my gifts and gestures before we got together. Bottom line, don’t give the ladies something too extravagant that will make them overthink or misinterpret your gesture.”  

Penn nodded. “Yeah. So maybe a card for Liz, Pru, and Neema, and a card and flowers for Amber. Since nobody knows about Amber and me, it should be okay. Hey, she texted me earlier. I should get back to her stat.”

A few days later, Penn was ready for Valentine’s Day. He bought four unique handmade cards created with recycled paper, one for each girl. The sentiments were sincere but not misleading. He ordered a single rose and small box of truffles for each woman, except Amber, for whom he got a bouquet of roses and a larger box of candy. Since he was working, he didn’t need to worry about taking anyone out. Problem solved! 

Or was it?

Penn got off from work at 7:30 the morning after Valentine’s Day. The emergency room saw a number of strange cases, from a man who got a nasty burn he was trying to make dinner au naturale, to a woman allergic to seafood, who went into anaphylactic shock after her boyfriend kissed her after he had a shrimp dinner, to a man who got a concussion when he fainted and hit his head after his boyfriend proposed. Penn was with that patient when he came to and accepted that proposal, and he was the first to congratulate them.  Then he, some of the nurses, doctors, and techs toasted them with ginger ale poured into plastic medicine cups. 

As Penn left the ER and went to his car to go home, he found Prudence waiting for him in the employee lot. She decided to surprise him and take him to breakfast. Indeed, her gesture was unexpected but not unwelcome—at least, until Neema drove up to the parking lot with the same intention! The women glared at each other while Penn shifted his weight from one foot to the other. Then Lizette showed up as well! The three women stared icily at Penn and demanded an explanation. 

Penn initially speechless but eventually stammered out an apology to them. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I didn’t mean to hurt any of you. It’s just that you’re all so beautiful and interesting, and I enjoy your company.” 

Neema’s eyes narrowed. Prudence scowled. Lizette wanted answers.

“Why would you date all of us? Wouldn’t you be happier in a relationship with just one woman?” Lizette demanded.

Penn bit his lower lip. Sometimes he thought about committing to an exclusive relationship with one woman. Sometimes he envied the relationship Rufus and Ellowyne had. But was he ready to settle down? If he wanted a serious relationship, whom would he choose? “To tell you the truth, I’m just not ready to have an exclusive relationship with anybody. I don’t mean to sound selfish, but after being in the war in Afghanistan and studying so hard in nursing school, I missed out on dating for so many years. I don’t think of myself as a dog, but I want to date around a little more. And you three are the most charming women I know!”

“Okay, I get it,” Prudence replied. “But you’re still okay with us dating other men, right?”

“Of course,” Penn exclaimed. “I don’t want you to miss out on dating other guys. You might find someone wonderful, much better than me.” 

With that comment, the women’s faces and demeanors softened. Neema smiled sweetly and said, “Oh, Penn. You are a one-of-a-kind guy. Apology accepted.”

“Same here,” Prudence added. “You might find someone you’re meant for but we might, too.”

Lizette’s eyes glistened a little as tears formed. Blinking them away, she also accepted Penn’s apology and understood that she could date someone else just as Penn could.

The three women drew Penn into a group hug, and they took him out for breakfast. After a delicious feast of waffles, bacon, and scrambled eggs, Penn bid the ladies adieu and went to his car. He hadn’t even put the key in the ignition when he received a text from Neema. “I’d still like to date you,” she wrote. “We don’t need to tell Pru and Lizette.”

In less than a minute, he got a text from Lizette. “I can’t be mad at you. I’d like to continue seeing you. We don’t have to tell Prudence or Neema.”

Within seconds of his reading Lizette’s text, he got one from Prudence. “I’d like to see you again. I won’t say anything to Neema or Lizette.”

Before Penn could answer any of the texts, he received one from Amber, inviting him to her house. He pulled out of the parking lot, turned his car in the direction of the Stanhope mansion, and grinned.